How do I become my own man

Please help - how do I get rid of my husband ????

Anxiety....
... that's why I'm not going. No, he doesn't hit me or my son. He hurts and only with words and his manner that he shows. My husband himself is of the opinion that as long as he goes to work in the morning and earns money during the day, he is not an alcoholic. He rejects all evidence to the contrary. First I have, because I have already informed myself about the stages of alcoholism. I know very well that both his pathological, growing jealousy, the controls, the scolding me and my son about every little thing, the disinterest when he is a day (Sunday) without alcohol, not after a few beers, but that the regularity of the years do this. His psyche is so wrong and all talking (if he reproaches me) is of no use. He only has one point of view that I am a lousy housewife (absolutely not true), that I am "rebellious - if he orders something, then please no discussion or contradictions (this also applies to our son), that I am for all of them other men out there and of course even cheating on him while shopping at the weekend. I then show the receipt and he calculates "his" time and woe, a few minutes remain without explanation. Well, these are probably all disputes that married couples have The question will surely come up whether I give him reason to be jealous - through my appearance and my friendly manner towards other people: yes. Through affairs, fraud or secrecy: no. Not at all (then you can only visit me in the cemetery like him anyway says).
He used to be a funny, fun-loving person, looked brilliant and everyone thought we weren't just a dream couple in terms of looks. With the years (the last 4-5) and the alcohol he has let himself go quite a bit and is almost insane that I am not doing the same. On the contrary, since I look pretty good, he is of course even more worried and a little jealous. I do not mean that it is neglected or "dirty", please do not get it wrong. I mean his unconventional attitude towards being overweight (30 kilos in 2 years), his appearance (bloated, red face) and his state of health. It can't be a good thing if one "feeds" on alcohol and cigarettes, devouring a single fatty meal all day and then in the evening. All my talking and begging over the years has not helped. The indication of how much he harms the boy - nothing. His final threat to stick a knife in his chest if I disobey (yes, exactly, obey) then left me with what was missing from fear of a separate future. Those who are capable of such statements and actions in the presence of their child bring much more.
So - with temporary restraint is not because he only literally threatens me physically, but does not hit me. And every lawyer is powerless against marital disputes (that happens in the best families ...).
Thank you for your understanding and your help. I will secretly get an appointment with a lawyer or a therapist, or with another help center and describe my problem there. It looks like I can get my wish out of my head - to get him to leave.
Thank you for the wishes of the force - I have become very strong in recent years. I can take it, just for the sake of my son. And I'm also damn good at "making a good mine for a bad game". He will not recognize my plans and thoughts.

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