How do you give relationship advice

Let's talk about ... relationship tips from friends "If I were you, I would split up!"

By Oliviero Lombardi, recorded by Carina Kriebernig
Carina Kriebernig (ck)profile

Analyzing foreign relationships and giving tips is not always smart. Couples therapist Oliviero Lombardi explains why advice is always blows and how you react to unsolicited love tips.

Stuttgart - First of all, advice is also a blow. So you have to be very careful and not give advice or relationship tips unless specifically asked. If a friend howls your ears, then the instruction in the subtext is that you should listen and agree - but not “give me advice”. This is often misunderstood and advice is given with good intent, which can also lead to irritation if the other person does not react as one imagines. This is primarily about perception, sympathy and confirmation. If one expects the other to listen to the advice, it is easy to be disappointed. For example, repeatedly advising your friends to break up and then nothing happens can be frustrating. As with any feedback, the first thing you should ask is whether the person even wants advice and can cope with it.

"Pack strikes itself, pack is compatible"

If you notice that your girlfriend's partner is cheating, for example, or even being hit on by him, you have to be careful with this situation. Because “Pack beats, Pack gets along” - and in the end, as a third party, you suffer. It is often the case that one takes one side and shows solidarity, and scolds the cheating partner. When the couple gets along and reconciles, the friendship can be disrupted and oppressive. Problems can also arise if the previously hostile partner gets wind of it.

If you are friends with a couple and discover a betrayal, you should check who you are more loyal to. If you are closer to a person, you should address the problem cautiously, as he is entitled to expect the truth. If you are in a conflict of loyalty and are close to both, I would justify that in the same way if the betrayal comes to light. Friends should understand that. Otherwise I would also reconsider friendship.

No council without a mandate

If you get feedback yourself, you should check whether you like and want to interfere. If it is not appropriate, you should speak openly about it and say that you cannot tolerate it at the moment. You shouldn't make a good face at the bad game, but orientate yourself as early as possible according to your own needs and report back to the other person how you want to deal with problems.

It is important that you always ask very clearly about the mandate: May I say something, give advice, get involved. Incidentally, this is exactly the same as a counselor and therapist, because without an assignment you burn your fingers - apart from the effort you have made.

Click here for Oliviero Lombardi's website

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