Do boys ever regret ending a relationship

Words after a breakup: This is what you want to say to your exes

The throat is constricted, the heart even more, the brain tightens: When separation and loss pain take the air to breathe, when the tornado of emotions shatters everything, then you can no longer grasp a clear thought. And sometimes the right words take years to come to mind after a breakup.

Maybe you couldn't really say goodbye back then because pain, sadness, pride, shame or anger were too great. Because the right opportunity may not have arisen. Because the person would not have listened. Or simply because no meaningful sentences were possible.

"In most cases, right after a breakup, you are just too upset and confused, and there are so many things buzzing through your head that it is difficult to put everything into words," explains separation expert Elena Sohn. “At this moment, the fear of the other person's reaction usually also plays a role - you are tacting rather than saying what you are really thinking.” Instead, the soul drags the unspoken through life like a rucksack full of six-packs.

That's why words are missing after a breakup

Sometimes it really takes a damn long time until enough distance has grown to be able to deal with the matter halfway objectively. Without foaming rage in front of your mouth and raging in your heart Without crippling guilt. According to Elena Sohn, this is due to the processing and internal classification of what happened: “You can then look at the matter with much more emotional distance and see more clearly. The manufacturing process brings with it numerous findings. "

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Why you should make a clear cut after the breakup

Relationships end or wither for a variety of reasons, even if it was a deep, great love. And it can take a while for you to really grasp it all. How deep the scars have become, how high the wall has grown around the heart, how lingering the regrets and remorse. But also: how great the gratitude for the relationship can be, how comprehensive the forgiveness and how important what has been learned. It can help to pronounce or write down the unsaid words after a breakup. “It's very good and I would recommend it to everyone,” says Elena Sohn. "Writing forces us to be much more reflective, so it helps with processing."

Here are, as an example, consolation or inspiration, last words after a breakup that other people had on their minds:

"I'm sorry, Tim"

“I would like to tell my first great love that I regret how I was to him, how it all ended. And I would sincerely apologize. Tell him that I think of him a lot, that seldom has a man been so good to me. And I'm sure we would be happily married today if I hadn't been such a damn unscrupulous, heartless beast. I am sorry Tim and I sincerely hope that you are well and have a wonderful life. You're missing me. <3 "
- anonymously via Tellonym

"Thank you, Ex, for a valuable lesson"

“From a distance, I would want to say thank you. For a lesson that I needed to grow To learn to take care of myself and understand that I have to practice setting boundaries without fear of loss. So loss of the person. Because I almost lost myself. I pulled the emergency brake much too late. And maybe this (as well as relationships before) would have gone completely different if I had stayed with myself, taken care of myself - instead of constantly fulfilling the needs of others and then taking sooo infinitely long to finally know halfway what ME was fills. I learned a lot about myself, my deficits and my strengths. There is still a long way to go, with staying with oneself and setting limits, feeling valuable enough not to accept and endure everything. But that's exactly what I'm grateful for. I have recognized that usually not one is the ultimate bad guy, but that everyone contributes to the knot with their behavior in the relationship. And that everyone bears the responsibility for themselves to solve this. Therefore: Thank you, Ex, for an incredibly valuable lesson that I was only able to finally learn in the sometimes very painful and destructive relationship with you. "
- Lilli via jessyfromtheblog

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"I never stopped loving you"

“I know today that the two of us would not have had a fulfilling, happy partnership. Our traumas are just too similar. And I should have invested a lot of energy in the relationship that I would have lacked for other, important things in life. You would probably have accidentally hurt me over and over again - just as you hurt her. I couldn't see it then, I was blind with pain. And yet ... I've never loved anyone like you. Our love was like in the cinema. I didn't think there was anything like that. How the crowd split when we stood on opposite sides of the dance floor. As I've always felt when you're not doing well. How well we could talk and sleep together. Our souls have become knotted. For a long time I did not understand that great love and a fulfilled partnership are not automatically the same thing. Today I wouldn't want a relationship with you, even though the breakup almost destroyed me back then. But I never stopped loving you And I know you feel the same way You are always there for me when I need you and always will be, for all time. Just like the other way around. Sometimes it makes me sad that the great love of my life is you of all people. But that's the way it is. I wish you with all my heart that you are and will be happy. I don't miss you, I'm fine. I am glad that everything is as it is. I only wish that I can experience such love again. "
—Anonymous via Tellonym

"A conversation would be nice"

“Today nothing is left open that could simply be briefly written. But today an honest, open conversation would be nice again. To see what has become of him. What is still there of this person, what has changed, whether we still know each other. "
- Paleica via jessyfromtheblog

"My sheer hatred is the receipt for your lies"

“At our last meeting you told me that you love me and that the most beautiful period of your life began with me. I found it cheesy and a tad too pathetic. Maybe I even rolled my eyes. And yet I absolutely loved you, but I could never tell you. You were responsible for speaking, I was responsible for showing. You slept with someone else that same night. I found out by a stupid coincidence that same night. I didn't say anything because I wanted to know what explanation you would serve me this time. The fact that I am waiting for this explanation to this day, because we have never met again since then, is an indictment of your character. I am still very important to you, you let me know through friends. You can ask via friends whether you could not have friendly contact. Two years have passed, do I want to tell you anything else? Yes. My sheer hatred of you is not irrational jealousy or defiance because you ’didn't choose me‘. It's the receipt for your lies, emotional abuse, and pathological narcissism. Would we be friends today if, stupidly, you just fell in love with another woman and told me about it openly? Possibly. You would have found out if you had ever spoken to me about it. You would have known if you weren't an emotional wreck. What comforts me? Today I know: you didn't not love me. You don't even know what love is. PS: Today I can also say thank you. Thank you for leaving me and saving me many more sleepless nights and self-doubts. Thank you for showing me how I will never be treated again. Thank you that, because of you, I have a different view of foreign relationships today and no longer pity the partners of people like you from above, but rather recognize the patterns and show ways how to get out of this downward spiral. "
- anonymously via Tellonym

"Regret and Sorrow"

“Back then in the Spanish class we had the very best teacher, he was funny, smart and amazing. One day, I don't know why, we talked about what we regret most in life. He told us about a girl he was deeply in love with, but with whom it had not worked out. Years later he saw her at the airport, but he had married in the meantime and therefore did not speak to her. I will always remember the look in his eyes, it was sad and bittersweet. You don't understand that as a teen, but as an adult you recognize remorse and sadness. He died a few years later. I always wonder if he has ever seen her again. "
- Nicola via Facebook

Say, write or be silent?

It can do you good to vent your feelings and to formulate the words after a breakup that were missing back then - even after a long time. The question, however, is: should you really tell the person or should you keep it to yourself? This is what the separation expert Elena Sohn thinks: “Always communicate when it comes to getting rid of it for yourself. It is better not to do it if you only do it in the hope of triggering a certain reaction in the other. "

So only when you have actually finished the relationship, when the sentences do not arise from acute pain or glowing anger, when the point is not to hurt or win the other person back - then the words are liberating after a breakup, clarifying and above all healing.