What is your perception of the ego

Psychologist about external perception"We knowledge Not, What in the Minds the other in front yourself goes "

We are constantly brooding over how the other person perceives and judges us. Psychologist Carolin Müller gives tips on how we can get rid of it. Because what goes on in your own head is usually not right in reality.

Why don't we care if the older stroller stares at us reproachfully because we are walking around with headphones and writing a message on the side? Because actually it is absolutely none of your business. Still, we ponder what he thinks of us at the moment.

"Because we live in a group, the opinion of others is so important to us: We need recognition and love."
Carolin Müller, psychologist

The fact that we are concerned with what others think of us is a deep human mechanism, says psychologist Carolin Müller - no other animal has such a feeling. That's because we live in a very large group. The social exchange for the organization of this group is incredibly important.

In psychology this is called "Theory of Mind": "That is the ability to have an idea of ​​what is going on in the mind of others", says Carolin Müller. This doesn't just refer to thoughts, but to feelings, expectations and needs. This feeling is based accordingly on a lot of assumptions.

Theory of Mind: I suspect what's going on in your head

The evaluation of others is also incredibly important to us because it shapes and reflects our self-image. "How do we know who we are? We get that through feedback from the outside world," says the psychologist. That is why a person's judgment is important to us, even if the person does not play a major role in our lives.

Of course, we can also judge who we are for ourselves. This is where the term "ego" comes from, which in Buddhist psychology means "the story that we tell ourselves", says Carolin Müller. "But of course this image is tested against the outside world. It is important to know who we are and the outside world gives us feedback about it." The picture has to be compared again and again because we are constantly changing.

"In the end there is nothing worse than denying who you are."
Carolin Müller, psychologist

It is different for each person how much outside approval he or she needs. "There are people who care a lot about what the others think", describes Carolin Müller. In doing so, they try to guess and meet the expectations of others.

Usually you don't feel really free because nobody really knows you if you always orientate yourself on the judgment of the other person. Authenticity is lost and honest relationships are hardly possible.

On the other hand, there are also people who hardly think about what the other person thinks of them. The evaluation is not so important to these people because they are aware of their strengths and weaknesses - and these do not have to be reflected on from outside.

"It is better if you know yourself and you can live your own potential."
Carolin Müller, psychologist

The psychologist is convinced that self-acceptance is the key to freeing yourself from the judgments of others: "First and foremost, it is about knowing yourself and accepting yourself as you are." Only that can lead to changes. And the people who really matter to us may not always agree with us, but they will accept us.

After all, what we think others think about us mostly does not correspond to reality: "If you think that the neighbor is thinking: 'Oh my god, how is she going around?', It might not be the case, "emphasizes Carolin Müller. "How we think about what the neighbors think of us says more about us than about the neighbors." The psychologist has a clear tip for this: "Stay in your own head."